According to U.S. News & World Report, a very stoned 22 year old man in Youngstown, Ohio called the police on himself last Friday. Why would someone do that, you ask? Well, it’s because he got waaaaay too high.
Now, before we get all judge-y, let’s take a moment to remember what it’s like to be waaaaay too high. You can feel your heartbeat all over your body. Suddenly everything moves like a weird Claymation cartoon. You feel like you’re going to suffocate, and can’t remember if you said that last sentence out loud or if it was just in your head…. Yea, it can be a little terrifying.
Anyway, that’s how we assume the poor, anonymous man was feeling when he dialed up Austintown Township Police last week. And, according to U.S. News & World Report, when the police arrived, they found him “curled up in the fetal position on the floor, groaning and surrounded by snacks that included Doritos, Goldfish crackers, and Chips Ahoy cookies.” It was also reported that the man told police he couldn’t feel his hands.
The man ended up refusing any medical treatment. Although the police found some paraphernalia in his car and apartment, he has not been charged with any crimes. To be fair, the embarrassment of this situation is more than enough punishment for whatever he might have been charged with.