Happy High Time


Happy High Time

I spend more time on the internet than a sex addict who just discovered youporn. I call it “research” for my job. That being said, I run across some fucked up shit. It’s all good though, as it inspires me. This morning, which “researching” (Facebook) something completely different, I stumbled across an article that was near and dear to my heart. It was about how iTunes rejected an app because its content revolved around female masturbation, but accepted an app about selling weed. Ugh, where do I start?

Happy Play Time

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Image Caption: “See? Like you don’t want to snuggle it?” The app that got rejected by iTunes is called Happy Play Time, and words cannot describe the adorable cartoon vagina mascot that is the face of the company. Anyway, it WAS an app created to educate people on vaginal anatomy and how to properly give vaginas pleasure.

Obviously, I looked them up online and subscribed to their services. You get to play a game in which you read informative articles about vaginas and then when you’re done, you give your new animated pussy pal orgasms, which unlocks achievements depending on how happy you make her. Yes, it is silly.   But you know what else it is? Empowering as fuck. This is the first time that embracing female personal pleasure has been a mainstream public issue.

You Won’t Go Blind?

Much like pooping, everybody masturbates. Like, everyone. All the time. Statistically, more men report masturbating in general than women, with increased frequency as well. I don’t think this is because women do it less or have less curiosity or desire to do so. It’s because for women, masturbation is still a shameful subject. For men, this concept is becoming far less taboo. A man can fuck himself, and then an apple pie, and it will make millions upon millions of dollars. So why in the entire fuck is a woman masturbating something that is only done on the internet for men to then masturbate to?

This has got to change, and I salute Happy Play Time for taking a stance on the matter. What I don’t applaud is iTunes still telling the public that female masturbation is something that should get swept under the rug. Furthermore, it’s not like its raunchy, dirty porno stuff. It’s an animated vagina I could make into a perfectly acceptable stuffed animal getting happy because you’re learning about vaginal anatomy and function.

Standing Weed Firm

I’ve always wanted to be a drug dealer, but I am not nearly cool enough, nor am I a savvy business gal. But if there’s an app that can teach me how, I’m all in. The app that Apple approved the same week they denied Happy Play Time is called Weed Firm. Essentially, you become an expelled botany student who grows and sells weed, thereby expanding your empire into full blown drug kingpin territory. In the game, you have to be wary of crooked police officers and rival drug dealers. Oh, did I mention “horny dancer Jane?”

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So, you’re telling me that a woman’s sexuality is ok, as long as she is dancing in a club to please a man? ANNNND even then her actually being “horny” is portrayed as negative. How DARE she want sex? Clearly, she is a villain.

But Why Is It Bad?

Here’s the thing: Weed is NOT bad. As a matter of fact, selling weed is legal in a few states, and, let’s be honest, will be legal overall at some point in time in the not too distant future. I would never hate on anything weed related, what I’m hating on is how all of this is being displayed. And why are we comparing it to female masturbation?

It’s the same concept as comparing marijuana legalization and gay marriage. Because they are two of the most popular, polarizing, hot-button topics for Americans currently, parallels are being drawn between them. I have seen more articles online lately with questions such as “Which do you prefer: Gay marriage or marijuana legalization?” or “What do you think will come first?” I get it, but they are not the same thing, nor are they related. Nor are they third cousins that may or may not have accidentally made out in a hot tub once. Why can’t we all be gay, masturbating, weed smoking friends?

It turns out that a lot of apps have been approved and then pulled from iTunes, and as technology continues to exponentially grow, so will the oddities of the internet. Apparently, weed firm has been one of the unlucky ones to be pulled. I think I speak on behalf of my vagina, and happy vaginas everywhere, when I say at least you had a chance.

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