I Wish I Were Smoking With… Early-80s Christopher Walken

christopher walken

I wish I were toking up with early-1980s Christopher Walken. I know it sounds random, but I just watched The Dead Zone the other day, and oh my goodness, was Christopher so dorky looking in that movie! It made my heart pitter patter. I just wanted to teleport into the movie and ravish him – his big silly glasses and goofy smile really did a number on me! Never in a million years did I think I would be sexually attracted to Christopher Walken, but man oh man, he was so adorable when he was younger! Of course, there are other reasons I wish I were toking up with Christopher right now… but first I had to clarify why I chose him in the early 1980s. (And, now I need to change my panties.)

AHEM… moving on, it’s no secret Christopher Walken is freaking hilarious. Everyone is aware of his brilliance on the big screen, but do our younger Stoned Girls fans know just how incredible Christopher is on the dance floor?! If not, please refer to Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” music video.

22I imagine my smoke session with Christopher Walken as nothing short of awkward. I imagine him keeping a serious face while I ramble on about butt hair, flaccid penises, breast milk, or whatever else comes to mind. And, about a half hour into the session, I picture him acting weird as shit, but still with a serious look on his face. Like, maybe he’d just randomly stand up, stare me straight in the eyes, and balance a flower pot on his head.

After a while, when I am done freaking out about how bizarre Christopher is, we’d most likely have an epic dance-off to De La Soul’s “Keepin’ the Faith.” My brother and I used to have the best dance-offs to this song. There is so much potential with it, and I imagine my dance-off with Christopher Walken to be 100x more fantastic. Not to brag or anything, but I am a pretty rockin’ dancer myself, so Christopher had better watch out! It would be a battle to the death… or maybe we would just stop when our chicken and pears are done baking. (Yes, I’d make chicken and pears with him! Why not?!)

And, once we were done eating, we’d fall asleep, cuddled up on a blanket under the stars… It’d be the most perfect smoke session ever. The End.


You May Also Like