The Best Flavored Lubes To Use When You Have Cottonmouth

Image Credit: Sweat N Gears

Image Credit: Sweat N Gears

Everyone loves a blowjob

There’s nothing worse than dry, chafing head.  Nothing.  Not even Ebola.  Regardless of your gender or sexual preference, when you’re fooling around and there’s no moisture, it’s a sticky, weird mess.  We have previously discussed how much we like to get high and fuck, but what we haven’t discussed is foreplay.  Not only is it a huge element of the sexual experience, but sometimes it can even be the most pleasurable part.  So, if you’re smoking weed and putting things in and around your mouths, the main concern would be, “What do I do about cottonmouth?”

Flavored lube, obviously.  What else is it made for?  Since there is a myriad of lubricants out there, we have compiled a list of the best, tastiest, and all around weirdest lube flavors to make sure that there is never a dry moment.

Applicable to both male and female naughty parts, System Jo H2O flavored lubricants are a nice place to start if you want to enjoy a chafe-free experience.  It comes in six different flavors, including:  cherry, strawberry, green apple, banana, chocolate, and peach.  Unlike other lubes, there is no weird aftertaste that leaves you feeling like you just left the dentist.  It is important to note that this flavored lube also meets all FDA requirements, so it’s completely safe to swallow.

If you’re not into weird flavors of lube, or just don’t want a dick to taste like chocolate, don’t fret; there is a product out there for you.  Biotene.  Whether it be on sale at your local pharmacy or tucked away in your grandmother’s medicine cabinet, Biotene is available just about anywhere.  While not traditionally used for oral, anal, or vaginal sex, the sheer longevity of this product sells itself.  And the minty flavor gives you a fresh aftertaste that doesn’t say, “Check out my dick breath!”

For those of us who prefer to get a little more adventurous with our sexing, there is something called Sex Fifth Avenue (and who doesn’t love a little word play to go with our foreplay?).   This oral gel has a mild flavor, but creates a tingling feeling when it comes into contact with your mouth.  Now you can give your partner pleasure while it feels like  you just ate 3 pouches of pop rocks.

But what about the men?

A common theme we noticed is that most flavors are geared toward women putting it in their mouths.  Since we are on a crusade for vaginas everywhere, we found some very tasty vagina friendly flavors for men (or other women) to enjoy.

First, bacon.  That’s right, bacon flavored lube exists.  We don’t think we’re alone here when we say that we am downright pissed off that we am just finding out about this now.

The second most amazing flavor of lube that seems to be geared towards men is whiskey.  Finally, vaginas everywhere can taste like Jack Daniels.  We thought this day would never come.  Although whiskey lube is a great answer to whiskey dick, there just seems something off-putting about the impending desire to call vaginas “Jack.”

The beauty of all of these products is that no matter your sexual orientation, there is something for you.  Also, all of these products are available for order online, in case there isn’t a conveniently located sex shop in your area.  As they are all reasonably priced, we recommend ordering them all and keeping them with your bowl.  Like Cialis says, “When the moment is right, will you be ready?”

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