Read Some of Our Favorite Stoned Texts


That’s one way to roll your weed on the go!


Nobody loves technology more than I do, even if I don’t understand it and am legitimately afraid of a Terminator-style technological uprising.  The biggest reason I love humanity’s advances in the tech field is: I never have to actually talk to a person IN PERSON.

Thanks to e-mail, social media and texting, we can all get our points across without having to use our actual voice.

Now, here is a list of my favorite stoner texts.  Remember, no judgment, we’ve all been here.

1. Getting a high five from your dog when you’re stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

2. Planet Earth isn’t gonna get stoned and watch itself.

3. I’m stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

4. all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

5. OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn’t driving my couch

The Texts get Better

6. I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

7. I’m smoking weed out of a trumpet

8. I wonder if u can grow weed on Farmville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

9. Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

10. Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

11. the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

12. So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

13. just got fired from my job because i was “too smart” and my immediate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and then i walked out the door.

14. We’ve done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.

15. I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

Trust us when we say this is only the tip of the iceberg.  Stay tuned for more of the best stoned texts brought to you by Stoned Girls!


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