Because I am an open-minded and enlightened human being, I joined a fetish website. This all started because my U-verse repair guy tried to get me to have a threesome with him and his submissive mistress. While I politely declined the offer and ushered him out of my house as gracefully as I could, I was interested in his lifestyle. What can I say, I’m a curious cat. Natually, I googled “fetish websites” and since I was feeling lucky, I clicked on the first one to come up: fetlife.com.
FetLife has cashed in on the social network phenomenon by creating a free, online community like Facebook or Myspace for “kinksters like you and me.” It is important to note that this is not a dating website, but a place where likeminded people can meet and discuss lifestyle choices and sexual preferences. FetLife offers groups to discuss your run of the mill fetishes, like bondage, roll play, ect. They also offered some groups about fetishes that were less familiar, like saran wrap and smoked meats. Smoked. Meats.
Anyway, when smoked meats came up other fetish groups that contained the word “smoke” popped up as well. Turns out, there is a whole fetish sub-genre for people who smoke. And then sub-genres for those sub-genres. Before I knew it I was red-eyed and down the rabbit hole for smoking related sexual predilections.
Smoking Pole: A Whole New Meaning
The first featured group was “smoking blowjobs.” I had so many questions: Who is smoking during the blowjobs? Does it hurt? Where is the actual smoke coming from? I turned to my kinky peers for answers. Apparently a “smoking blowjob” is when a woman or man smokes whilst putting a penis in their mouth. No, it doesn’t seem to hurt unless there is some unfortunate accident with the hot part of the smoking device. It seems that the giver must inhale the smoke and hold it in, only to release it when oral penetration actually happens. Apparently this takes practice. One thing I definitely noticed about the “smoking blowjob” aficionados is that they were so affectionate toward women and men of all ages and races. Honestly, they seemed like a very open group of people who made this newbie feel right at home.
Then someone suggested a “smoking handjob.” What, are we in ninth grade and feeling rebellious? No.
Obviously smoking is sexy (have you seen our model galleries?!?), but I never thought to sexualize the smoke itself. An overwhelming amount of people admitted that seeing the smoke roll over their naughty parts was an incredible turn on. I think it would look a little like a lighthouse in the rolling fog. A beacon of hope of sorts. There is also a pretty big correlation between the white smoke and semen, which made me think about how the smoke must look similar to how ejaculating in space looks.
Image Caption: “Don’t tell me it doesn’t look like a dick.”
Dr. Freud Says…
The psychology behind a smoking fetish like this is also interesting, because who doesn’t like a little behind the scenes action? The act of smoking represents an image of strength and self-confidence. Now, holding a lit joint near the most vulnerable part of a man’s body is already pretty empowering for a woman, but the idea of men subconsciously not just acknowledging, but enjoying the strength of the woman performing this act on them is a huge step forward for female sexual equality.
When you image search “sexual fetishism,” most of the results are of a dominant woman. She is in leather, with black high heels and a whip. She is portrayed as the dominant partner. Because there is so much stigma attached to sexual fetishism of any kind, some of the feminism involved is often overlooked. Not only is fetishism not a man’s world, but they accept and embrace the stoned girl in a way that mainstream society still has not.
Image Caption: “I wouldn’t say ‘no’ even if she told me to.”
How Do The Ladies Feel?
Clearly men like blowjobs no matter what, but a number of women on the site reported that the “smoking blowjob” is their preferred type of blowjob. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s because women like to feel powerful and strong between the sheets. Once again, smoking makes women feel sexy, and being able to incorporate smoking into the actual act of oral sex only heightens the experience for her as well. Plus, it probably alleviates impending neck pain.
I never thought I would say this, but that awkward, balding, polyamorous man has sexually enlightened me like no man (or woman) ever has. I applaud you, AT&T tech guy for teaching the person who pays her bills by writing about sex and weed something new and exciting. To no one’s surprise, there is an alarming amount of fetish meet-ups at a chain pizza place right around the corner from my house, and I am going to sit in on one tonight. Stay tuned for updates as I delve deeper into this high-life style.
Join me at www.fetlife.com to get your freak on too. Weed love to see you there!