Some people say you don’t feel anything your first time; Some people say it’s the best they’ve ever felt. Whatever the outcome, smoking weed for the first time can be climactic, anti-climactic, exciting, a little scary, and, most of all, confusing. Furthermore, it’s rare that a first-time smoker is around someone who is as experienced as, let’s say, Tommy Chong. Usually, it’s a bunch of people in a circle not wanting to admit they have no idea what they’re doing. So, we’re going to move the learning curve up a bit, and give you, cannabis virgins, a few tips on how to smoke weed.
How to buy it
In order to smoke weed, you need to have weed, so this first step is pretty simple. Most of the time, first time cannabis consumers will smoke someone else’s weed. Someone will hand you a joint, bong, or God-forbid an edible at a party because they think it’s just “crazy man” that you haven’t been high before. In that case, you can skip this step and read on. But, if you really want to impress your friends, or simply want to experience being high for the first time in a more personally accommodating environment (read: in your house by yourself), you need to know how to buy it.
We’re going to stick with legal procurement, here, because we have to respect the law. So, when you’re heading into a dispensary, there are a few things you need to remember.
Bring your id. This is not an option. This isn’t a college bar where you can sweet talk them into serving you because “You swear you’re 21!”. These institutions are heavily regulated and one wrong move ruins it for all of us. And, trust us, you don’t want to get all the way through the line just to be told you can’t be served.
Allow yourself plenty of time. Most of the dispensaries have lines out the door at all times. You may not be able to make it there and back on a lunch break. Allow for time to be in line, and time to check out the product. You want to be able to make a quality choice, after all.
Speaking of time, don’t go right at closing. Remember when we said that these dispensaries are heavily regulated? Well, just because you’re there before they close doesn’t mean they have to serve you. Everyone has to be paid and left by the time “closing time” hits. So, even if you wait in line for two hours, if it’s time, it’s time, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Don’t argue with the staff. They’re just doin’ their job, man, and they have to remain legal for bud to remain legal.
Ask for help. Budtenders are trained to help guide you through this process. Don’t know which strain to get? Don’t know how much to buy? Don’t know if you’re in the mood for Sour Patch Kids or Cookies? They will be more than happy to assist you.
Bring cash. Some dispensaries cannot take plastic yet. You don’t want to get all the way to check out only to find that you can’t actually buy any bud at all.
How to consume it
Alright, so you’ve made it legally through the line and you’ve got weed in hand. What’s next? You need to smoke it, right? Your smoking options are as follows: joint, blunt, bowl, bong, vape, and another myriad of devices that probably aren’t fit for a first timer. A joint or blunt is probably the easiest way to smoke, but rolling can be hard if you’ve never done it before (and we’re assuming you haven’t), so let’s skip that. Bong rips may be a bit too harsh and heavy for a first-timer as well, and vapes can be expensive. So, we’re recommending you go with a bowl.
You can purchase a bowl at any head shop. To find a head shop in your area: Google “headshops in my area”. We also recommend picking up a grinder while you’re there, that way you don’t have to worry about trying to properly break up weed. Put the weed in the grinder (after removing the stem) and turn the top and bottom in opposite directions. Then, once it is ground up, put the weed in the bowl until the bowl is full. Hold the bowl up to your mouth, light it, and inhale. Hold the smoke in, and then exhale when necessary. And, there you have it! You’ve officially smoked weed! Here are a few things to keep in mind to make sure your experience goes as smoothly as possible.
You can’t do it in public. No matter what state you are in right now, you cannot smoke weed in public; It’s still illegal. So, make sure you are at a private residence when you enjoy your bud.
Don’t pass a cached bowl. The term “cached” means that the bowl or bong no longer has any smokable bud in it. If you are smoking with friends, do not pass a cached bowl to someone. They will just suck ash through the pipe and probably not want to be your friend anymore.
Remember to “puff, puff, pass”. This may sound trite, but it’s important. Don’t’ hog the weed if you’re smoking with friends.
Edibles addendum. If you decided to go HAM and purchase edibles, BE CAREFUL. Read the dosage properly and make an appropriate decision on how much you should eat. Then, eat half of that. You don’t want to ruin weed your first time out because you ate too many brownies and got so sky high you didn’t know what was happening.
What to expect
You’ve just exhaled your first puff of smoke. Your heart has started to race a bit. Is that the weed or nerves? Did you say that out loud? What’s happening to your body? What if weed isn’t for you? Why did you wear that sweater on picture day in 5th grade?
Take a moment and just breathe. You will feel your heart race a bit and your face will feel a little flush. You might even feel kind of light headed. Odds are it’s both the weed and your nerves, and that’s ok. It will pass in a minute. Here’s what else you should expect when you’re high.
You will get the infamous munchies. The cannabinoids in marijuana work with your neurons, and they basically tell your brain it’s time to eat, even if it’s not. Make sure you have food on hand before you smoke. If not, Domino’s delivers, y’all.
Your mouth will get dry. Maybe you’ve heard the nasty cottonmouth rumors floating around. Well, it exists. Marijuana will dry out your mouth and eyes, so make sure you’ve got plenty of liquids around.
It will last about two hours. But, your body will calm down in about 15 minutes, and you will be able to relax and enjoy your buzz. Unless you ate edibles, as sometimes those can last longer depending on the dose and how much you ate.
Time will go kind of slow. This is normal. The beautiful thing about weed is that it allows you to savor every moment for what feels like longer. Take it all in.
If you don’t feel high, smoke more. The great thing about weed is that you can never do too much.
We hope this helped all you canna-virgins out there, and, for all you seasoned smokers, we hope it brought back some memories of days past.