The Oscars Will Comfort Losers With Vapes


There is nothing quite as glamourous as the Oscars.  It is, by far, the fanciest of all of the awards shows.  That’s not to say that the Emmys, Tonys, and Grammys aren’t fabulous too, but there is just something magical about the Oscars.  And, you know what else is magical?  The gift bags.  That’s right, for those of you who don’t already know, the obscenely rich and famous get stuff they could already afford gifted to them at the awards show, because a gold statue isn’t enough of a “Good Job!”

This year’s gift bag will be filled with some interesting things.  There’s a three-night stay at a Tuscan resort that I’m sure everyone attending could probably pay for at a blink of the eye (George Clooney probably already has).  Also included is a luxury train ride through the Canadian Rockies that no one really cares about.  And, strangely, there’s a vibrator in the bag.  Whatever, I’m only judging out of jealousy at this point.  Not to mention, there’s a “glamping” trip, a gift certificate for a custom candy buffet, and a vaporizer.

Wait, what?

Yes, that’s right, there will be a vaporizer in the Oscars gift bag, and we at Stoned Girls couldn’t be happier about it.  What could possibly make weed more mainstream than giving the highest members of society a way to actually GET HIGH?

Haze Technologies is the company that contributed the vaporizer to the bag.  The Haze vaporizer is pretty fancy, so no wonder it was chosen as the “next celebrity vogue” (their words, not mine).  The device actually has two (count them!) bowls, so that the user can vape both dry herb, as well as oils or concentrates AT THE SAME DAMN TIME.  Plus, it also comes in a few pretentious sounding colors like midnight, graphite, orchid, and absinthe.   The vaporizer is actually pretty intricate for how compact it looks, and it retails for a cool $250.

It is important to note that this variety of gift bag will only be given to the losers in the major categories.  The vaporizer is included in order to “ease the pain of losing.”  Clever.  With that being said, will Bradley Cooper or Steve Carell be puffing away post show?  Will Julianne Moore and Reese Witherspoon be carrying Haze around in their purses all night?

The Oscars won’t be on our television sets until February 22nd, and we will probably have to wait a little longer before we find out just who is enjoying their new ganja gift, but just knowing that weed will make an appearance is enough for this stoned girl to tune in.

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