1. The Brain (But not Pinky. We’re pretty sure he’s killed people.) – Imagine all of the intricate plans you could hatch while you two were stoned out of your mind. Plus, the Brain could probably use science to make you feel better about how scary space is. Narf.
2. Barney – While normally giant lizards are absolutely terrifying (Alligators, crocodiles, dinosaur ghost wreaking havoc over the Pacific Ocean…), this cuddly carnivore is super-dee-duper. Imagine watching him trying to use his tiny arms to hit the bong, and trying not to laugh. Then, you could play on his playground while he makes you all the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you could eat.
3. Danny Tanner – What we really mean is Bob Saget.
4. Doug – Let’s be honest, it would probably mellow him out a bit. We imagine it would be a really fun day of stoned banjo covers of Bob Marley hits.
5. Scrooge McDuck – Diving into his money would be waaaaay more fun if you were high. Also, he has a strict no pants rule that isn’t the worst thing in the world.
6. Bill Cosby
7. Garfield – We are willing to bet Mondays would get a lot more fun waking and baking with this guy. Plus, all he likes in the world is eating and sleeping, so we’re pretty sure there’s no way this could go wrong.
8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – One word: Pizza.
9. Inspector Gadget – Think of the convenience: Go-Go-Gadget bong, Go-Go-Gadget lighter, Go-Go-Gadget get some fucking ice cream with your Gadget-Copter.