Something To Munch On


In relationships, sometimes it can be difficult to coexist when one partner smokes weed and the other doesn’t. Typically, marijuana doesn’t follow the “opposites attract” rule. It is a lifestyle choice that is still illegal in some states and because of that it still makes people uncomfortable. I have tried to date men (and women) who don’t smoke weed, and it never works. There always seems to be some disapproving judgment floating around the room in the form of marijuana smoke and Cheeto dust. Therefore, potheads date other potheads. There is one huge problem with this, however.

Even in normal relationships, once “settling” occurs, there is typically a little bit less attention paid to physical appearance. Statistically, nearly two thirds of people will gain weight once they feel they are in a comfortable and loving relationship, and almost three fourths say they noticed a weight gain in their partner as well. I think everyone is guilty of it, myself included. Here is the problem in stoner relationships: the fucking munchies. They make us stoner lovebirds pack on the pounds even quicker. Don’t worry, though. Thanks to science, we can all feel just fine about a few extra lbs.

The Science Behind Munchies


Image Caption: “Don’t even act like you wouldn’t go there.”

               We all know the feeling. You get real good and high, and then all of a sudden you want all the food in the house, including but not limited to: chocolate covered maraschino cherries you got for Valentine’s Day last year, the salt off of pretzel sticks, several kraft cheese slices, unsweetened baking chocolate, and then almond butter straight out of the container. This is because the THC in marijuana affects the olfactory bulb in your brain, which makes food smell, and therefore taste better as the sense of taste is directly related to the sense of smell. Also, humans have these chemicals in their brains that make us feel hungry. THC creates more of these chemicals, which make us feel hungry even when we may not be. Thank you, science, for proving that weed makes life better.

How Does This Affect Our Relationships?

You love smoking up with your partner. It brings you emotionally and sexually closer together. Not to mention the shared shame in eating T.G.I. Friday’s endless appetizers until the manager throws you out for “abusing the concept.” But it’s ok because you’re in love…Until you take your clothes off. Ladies, you may still be working the gym into your daily routine, but what about your hardworking man? You’ve noticed he’s gotten a little bigger around the mid-section and you can’t help but feel it may or may not have something to do with your baked baking. Don’t panic, though. Once again science comes through to save the day and reassure you that you are doing nothing wrong.

Size Of The Boat

A university in Turkey I can’t pronounce recently completed a year long study regarding the body mass index (BMI) of men and their sexual performance, and guess what? You and your partner can eat all the chubby hubby pints you want, because science proves that a few extra inches around the waist make men better lovers. That’s right, compared to their Kevin Durant-esque counterparts, men with obvious belly fat last much longer between the sheets. I knew there was a reason I was always subconsciously attracted to Zach Galifianakis. Anyway, bigger men lasted on average five minutes longer than their counterparts. That means, if you and your sexy stoned partner get busy roughly once every three days, he will spend on average eight more hours inside of you a year.

The study found that men with a higher BMI lasted around 7.3 minutes in bed, while thin men only lasted around two minutes, and suffered significantly more from pre-mature ejaculation.

Waaaitttt, whaaat?

Where are they finding these men?   Seven minutes? Remind me never to go to Turkey.

Don’t worry, though. Science supports it even for our men with much better stamina. Apparently, slightly fatter men have more estradiol in their bodies, which is a hormone that can inhibit orgasms, therefore making it harder to reach their peak.


In Conclusion

It feels good to know that there is no shame in being kind of fat, really happy, and super stoned. People will always smoke weed, because it is amazing and science proves that it makes life more enjoyable. Science also proved that people will always get the munchies from smoking weed. After all, that is one of the reasons we prescribe it to cancer patients. Weed lovers will always flock to other weed lovers, and as marijuana legalization sweeps the country, so will the munchies, and apparently some really good sex too.

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