Stoner Essentials


While Hollywood makes being a stoner look super easy, there are a lot of seemingly innocuous things that make or break a good smoking sesh.  To the average non-stoner, these things carry little to no significance to the outcome of their day, but to a stoner, they are the be-all and end-all necessities to achieving a good buzz.

Here are 10 items stoners can’t live without.

1. Eye drops

– Every stoner knows that if they are planning to leave their house for ANY reason after smoking fat bowl, eye drops are a necessity.  Nothing will give your secret away faster to that 7-11 cashier than your blood shot eyes.

2. Burrito Availability

– Being able to quickly access a decent burrito is pertinent, in order to satisfy munchie urges and thereby enhance your mood tenfold.  We actually ordered food from The Burrito Factory three times last week for lunch. That place is the best — delivery within 30 minutes.

3. A Lighter

– For some reason, lighters go missing more than rogue socks in the stoner community.  You can buy one with a “signature color” or the craziest pattern you can find, engrave your fucking name in it, and attach it to your pants by a string, and that mother fucker will still go missing by the end of the day.  I guarantee it.

4. Febreeze

– This is really dependent on your living situation, but more often than not, Febreeze is included in your stoner survival kit.  Your couch always gets a good spritz when you’re done, just in case you get any sort of unexpected visits.

5. Grinder

– For convenience, really.  It’s not a necessity, but it sure does help!

6. Good Music

– Whether it be Phish, Tupac, or Led Zepplin, it is important for every stoner to have access to good music for their post-smoke high.  There’s nothing that kills a nice buzz quite like ridiculous and annoying music.  If you put on something jam-worthy, everyone in your smoke sesh will have a rockin’ time.

7. A Good Book

– Well, that’s a weird thing to need when you’re a stoner, right?  Wrong.  Personally, I am not a fan of reading while high.  It hurts my brain.  But, what I do prefer is a nice, flat book to break my weed up on.  Having that surface is priceless in the world of Mary Jane.

8. Mints

– Not gum, mints.  Maybe it’s just me, but oral hygiene is a necessity in life, high or not.  After you smoke a lot, mints will not only freshen your breath, but get you to salivate more, thus curing even the worst case of cotton mouth.

9. Coffee

– Sometimes, unfortunately, weed can make you sleepy.  While you’re smoking, it is important to brew a cup or two of coffee to enjoy after you’re done.  That way, you can ensure that you will stay awake long enough to enjoy your high.

10. Weed

– Clearly.

Got something that takes your high to the next level?  Let me know at!


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