The 10 Different Types of Stoners



Depending on your age — or, better yet, where you are in life — you may have encountered an plethora of people who LOVE to smoke weed.  That being said, just like in every other aspect of life, there are several archetypes that weed smokers effortlessly fall into.  Here are the 10 different types of stoners, according to

weedThe Old Hippie Soul

Everybody knows this kid, as I am fairly certain everyone who smokes pot has at one point been this kid, perhaps early on in college.  Often seen on the way to and from his drum circles, The Old Hippie Soul lets you know he’s coming far before you see him, due to the overwhelming aroma of patchouli wafting in the air.  This stoner can be seen wearing nothing but hemp clothing and often times has dread locks — but is still unfamiliar with the benefits of dry shampoo.

The Philosopher

Get this one high and he will give Nietzsche and Kant a run for their money.  All this guy needs is one bong rip, and then, BAM, he is constructing an extremely detailed plan to achieve world peace, solve world hunger, and cure Ebola.

The Quitter

This guy used to smoke weed and needs to let everyone within earshot know it.  He never gives a straight answer as to why he quit, or when for that matter.  It is his desire to continue to hang out with stoners so as to still seem cool.  He tries to remain relevant with his “back in my day” stories that everyone around him is all too familiar with.

weedThe Granola

Similar to The Old Hippie Soul, The Granola is very into the outdoors.  The Granola has no problem going on a three-week hike through the desert with no shower.  Environmental and animal rights activist at heart, The Granola smokes weed in order to enhance the beauty and wonder of nature.

Your Friend’s Dad

Every stoner has that friend whose dad never left the 70’s.  Maybe he even resembles Tommy Chong a little bit.  Anyway, through years of keenly refining his senses, he knows as soon as someone sparks up, and continues to make his presence known in the circle, all the while telling stories of the days of day-glow and too much denim wear.

The Leach

Nobody ever invites The Leach to come hang out and smoke, but somehow they always know where and when to be.  They never bring weed of their own, but always promise to provide “the dankest shit ever” the next time everyone gets together.. they never actually come through.

weedThe “Real” Adult

The “Real” Adult is that friend of yours that was lucky enough to get a job immediately out of college.  On the outside, he seems like your run-of-the-mill suburban yuppie-in-training, as his job requires him to wear ties and go on golf outings.  At night and on weekends, however, his head is in a cloud of smoke.  He kicks it recreationally with his friends still trying to get a shot at the corporate world, because getting high is the only real thing he likes right now.

weedThe Activist

The activist is most commonly found in the quad of any college campus either petitioning or handing out pamphlets.  Supremely concerned with changing the world, The Activist is convinced they can do it all.  At night, they can be seen sharing joints, as well as thoughts, with The Philosopher.

The Significant Other

This person isn’t really a stoner at all, but since many pot smokers will come across them, they are worth a mention.  This Significant Other is someone who has smoked little to no weed in their life, but is no attracted to the “bad” image of your normal recreational stoner.  Because they have a need to “fit in,” they will tag along with their new beau pretending to be a veteran.  Because none of us ever talk to this person after they inevitably break up with our friend, we don’t really know what becomes of their new habit.  I am willing to bet, though, that their love for Mary Jane has permanently ended.

weedThe “This is good shit right here” Guy

Also known as “The Hype,” this person always claims to have the best shit on Earth.  In fact, their enthusiasm is almost endearing.  Unfortunately, this person’s words never actually ring true, as their weed is mediocre at best.  Because you are a smart and respectful human, you recognize their insecurities, and do your best to reassure them that they are King of the Weed Strains.

So, you may be sitting at your computer paranoid at this point trying to figure out where exactly you fit in to these stereotypes.  You are possibly saying to yourself, “I really liked to canoe a few years ago….Am I The Granola?” or “Jesus, no one’s ever thought I was The Leach, did they??”  Never fear, average stoners.  You probably fit in to the last category, The Rest Of Us.  That’s right, there is technically one more “stereotypical” stoner —  those people who simply enjoy good weed and a good time, with no strings, reasons or catchphrases attached.  Welcome to the party.

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